An accidental pussy grabber

So, I was on my way to a meeting the other day, when I inadvertently kidnapped a neighbors’ cat. Really… it wasn’t my fault. See, we have this big black cat named Oliver. And Oliver has gotten it into his head lately that he should be able to roam about his domain, namely everything he can…

Seven ways to screw up your writing career

When you’re freelance writing, you’ll find there are a million people out there who will tell you how to succeed… provided you give them $49.95 per month for a minimum of the rest of your natural-born life.

But there aren’t a lot of people willing to tell you what you shouldn’t do.

Luckily, I’m here to help.

No, really, call me nasty

A lot of words have been hurled at angry women voters lately. My particular favorite is “Nasty Bitch.” In the words of Inigio Montoya…”You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.” I was in a meeting a few weeks ago with a woman who was discussing complaining…

Don’t Cook in Your Bikini – a letter to my sons

Today, I was working on my cookbook. It’s a book I’ve been working on for my sons for the past 10 years. First, handwritten, and then entered into the computer and now organized and digitized, it’s almost finished. I’ve got a few more recipes to add, and a few pictures to throw into place, but…

10 Things I Learned About the Old West from Gunsmoke

For the last few months, I’ve been watching a lot of Gunsmoke. It’s on in the afternoons, and as things begin to wind down, I find myself relaxing in the company of Marshall Matt Dillon, Miss Kitty and Festus. Secretly, Festus is my favorite. But, I’ve learned a lot of things I didn’t know about…

One holiday at a time, please

It’s Halloween night; so naturally, I find I’m a little sick of Christmas commercials. Not even lying. This weekend, in the midst of a marathon horror movie session, I got just a bit tired of watching Best Buy’s Christmas commercials. Apparently, nothing says Christmas like going into debt to buy another meaningless gadget. Unless it’s…

Why I’ll NEVER Watch Walking Dead Again

Okay. Fine. I’m done. I will never watch The Walking Dead again. After last night, I’m done with it. Really.And spare me your sanctimonious uber fan status with “It’s just like in the comic book.” I didn’t read the comic book. I don’t care what happens in the comic book. I’m just not interested in…

How are we supposed to take Curvy Barbie?

This weekend, I watched a story on the new Barbies. Apparently, you can now get Barbie in sizes other than “bone thin and completely unrealistic.” According to Mattel, Barbie will now come in four different sizes, seven different skin colors, 20+ different eye and hair colors and, presumably, an inordinately large number of coordinating outfits and…

Horror movie quandries

I’ve never really understood a few things about horror movies. Really. I mean, why is it that there is always a stupid girl who tries to run away and then falls? Obviously, it’s because they’re wearing heels while running, but who goes into the woods wearing high-heeled shoes? Not a smart girl. We don’t go…

Not so “Gaga” over the Golden Globes

Yesterday, my topic of choice for my blog was my family’s unnatural obsession with hoodies. But then the Golden Globes happened. Or rather, Gaga happened. It’s no coincidence that Gaga sounds a lot like “caca” in my mind. Really. As I normally do when I wake up on a Monday morning and don’t want to…

Working on myself

Every year starts out the same. I get this burr in my bonnet to be better or learn something or find some new thing to master. One year, it was brewing beer. Of course, once I had done it and realized I wasn’t going to be immediately able to play with ingredients like I do…

If you say you’re going to do something, do it

If it’s true that “what you do on the first of the year is what you’re going to do for the rest of the year,” I think I may be in trouble. So far today, January 1, I’ve managed to clean, nap, cook and walk into another room four times, forgetting what I was there…